Sara Rayman
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SARA RAYMAN

"If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform
one million realities."

                                                                                              - Maya Angelou ​  ​

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I miss live music...

2/20/2022

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I miss live music… the last concert I attended in person was Brandi Carlile at the Ryman in January of 2020. Although I was unaware at the time that it was going to be the last time till who knows when the next time would be, we chose an incredible performance. I’ve always loved music, though, in every way I can find to listen. I’ve been immersed in music since I was a glint in my parents eyes. I was born into a home full of bluegrass jam sessions in our living room and singing a cappella in church. In fact, when my brother was three years old, my dad put a fiddle in his hands and it never left. Sissy and I would sit at their feet and listen to them practice for hours. We knew the lyrics to every traditional bluegrass song and would quietly sing harmony, imagining that we were part of the band. On Sundays, our dream of openly singing harmony became reality when the entirety of our small church would sing gospel hymns as one choir. I always sang alto to sissy's soprano and our brother's tenor, while Daddy sang bass and Mama filled in the gaps. The thread of harmony bound us together in music as a common love.

Music touched many parts of my life. Like a lot of kids, I took piano lessons, played flute in the school band, got vocal lessons, had fun with the ukulele, tried my hand at writing some songs, and still dabble with the guitar. But one of my very first memories at around the age of 5 or 6 was sitting on my bed with my portable box record player. I would watch the yellow and orange single record spin of Tommy James & The Shondells “Crimson and Clover”, listening over and over and over again. I was mesmerized by the sounds hitting my ears in a crazy way. My young life was spent absorbing all the music I could listen to in whatever way was available to me. Of course, I had my favorites from mom’s record collection of Carol King, James Taylor, Tracy Nelson, and Crosby, Stills, & Nash, or I recorded Casey Kasem’s top 40 onto cassettes for use in mix tapes later, or played Nat King Cole on Gramma’s turntable cabinet, or I was glued to CMT and MTV when we had cable, or took my Walkman on a bike ride with Rod Stewart being forever young. Every way of listening to music is a special experience.

In my mind, I picked apart every thing I heard so I could isolate each sound to discover it’s unique characteristics. I still do this all the time. Maybe it’s why I loved being a sound engineer in my past career. For instance, a typical live sound check for a rock band starts with the single kick drum on a medium beat until the amplification is replicating a true sound and then you add the snare, and then the toms, and the cymbals, the bass guitar, the rhythm guitar, electric lead guitar, maybe a piano, backup vocals and then main singer. The single instruments become a mix and produce a concert that if you’re lucky, will help the audience have an unforgettable event. When I really concentrate and listen with my full ear to every frequency I can hear in the audio spectrum, I am constantly inspired.

But it’s not just the sounds themselves that I love, it’s also the meaning of the lyrics, the talent of the musicians, the vocal surprises, the dynamics, the tempo, the rhythm. I like discovering various genre’s and appreciating era’s and learning about new cultures and understanding geographic locations. Let alone the epic collaborations, or the unique instrumental combinations, or acoustic vs electric vs electronic vs a cappella vs orchestrated vs impromptu vs rehearsed to the point of blooming something new. Music is used for special occasions like weddings, exercise workouts, proms, house cleaning, parties, singing in the shower, healing from grief, long road trips, camp hangs, family gatherings, and movie soundtracks… it’s also the backing soundtrack to my memorable life experiences. 

There are songs that bring back memories and there are songs that make new ones. I remember who I was with, what we were doing, why we were doing it, and how it made me feel. I’ll never forget that when I was old enough to choose my first live concert, it was Reba, of course. I can recall the many festivals with my brother, the ‘Sissy’ sets of Shelby Lynne and Allison Moorer with my own sister, discovering new bands with some of my best friends, sneaking down to broadway on my lunch break to catch Sheryl Crow, or falling in love with Chris on the patio of a Mexican restaurant listening to our blues buddy, Steamer Adams. All the numerous epic performances like Harry Connick Jr., Jose Gonzalez, The Infamous Stringdusters, Paramore, Tony Bennett, Alison Krauss, Ray LaMontagne, NKOTB (sarcastic wink), Band of Horses, Manhattan Transfer, Bonnie Raitt, Bobby McFerrin, Tommy Emmanuel, Willie Nelson, as well as the local unknowns who rival the famous talent. Some of the funniest times revolved around the unexpected… like watching the dancing festival guy in the crowd who was so sad because he broke his glow necklace and the band made him feel better… or going to a restaurant in the Florida Keys on a work trip with my boss expecting a reggae band only to hear “John” from Nashville do his Keith Urban impression… or meeting Pam Tillis the first time when I worked at a venue in college in Idaho, the second time when I ran sound for her at a theatre in Branson, again when I moved to Nashville to work at the University, and again when I gave her a ride from one end of a random parking lot to the other… or on another work trip, the impromptu decision to convince a jazz club in Baton Rouge that the show was halfway over so if we could sneak in we would pay half price, only to be surprised as security escorted us to front left second row seats for free, creating a most memorable night for my colleague that we still fondly talk about. 

Although I’ve invested in high quality listening speakers and have enjoyed keeping music alive for myself throughout this period of isolation, nothing beats a live experience. The audience travels to a beautiful venue with a common purpose, love, and desire to participate in something that will inspire them… as everyone finds their spot, the energy is palpable with anticipation for what the evening will bring… the house lights dim and the murmurs of the crowd die down only to swell back up again with applause before the first note hits… the stage lights slowly raise, the sound fades in, and the band invites us to join them on a musical journey.  When it’s your favorite artist or you go with someone you love, it makes it that much sweeter.  As you listen, you are transported into another world and it seems time stands still at the same moment that it moves you into a deeper place. You dial into the the dynamics of the chorus that swell into the bridge and then that epic voice cuts through, making your soul perk up.  Then your favorite song starts and not only do you know all the words, but you vocally try to replicate every single musical lick, along with the rest of the crowd and before you know it, the entire venue is singing along. You observe the instrumentalists play off each other and magnify their energy, resonating with the entire band along with the audience to create a shared experience that raises to the level of spiritual exhilaration. And all of this because of math… magical music made of math.

So, yeah, I miss live music but it’s not just live music that I miss… it’s the shared experience. I’m thankful to have the memories and I’m eager to create new ones.

Side note: As I was working through this writing, I created a “listen” playlist and added songs that brought back memories, or were epic classics, or my favorite artists, or interesting creations, or made me really listen. I encourage you do the same and then turn on your best speakers or put on your best headphones, sit back with your favorite beverage, and let your ears get some exercise. 
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An exercise in asking myself questions...

3/21/2021

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"What is my Why?"
Throughout my life, I think I have always tried to define 'my why'. What is the reason that I exist… the whole purpose of my life that excites me and matters? Or better yet, what is it about our human existence that resonates with me so deeply, that it stirs an emotional response and makes me feel alive?  Hasn't everyone been trying to answer this existential question of 'why do we exist' for thousands of years?
For my answer, I could say that I am here to be a great life partner and wife to my husband to better our lives together. And that is definitely part of it. I could say that it's because if I'm the most compassionate friend, or sister, or daughter, or aunt, or teammate, then I feel a sense of fulfillment that I stayed true to my intention. And that is also part of it. I could say it's because I am really good at what I do and I am uniquely me… and no one else in the world has what I have to offer, whatever it turns out to be. 
And while all of those angles of looking at 'my why' are true, I think there is one more. And it's a big one… I mean, really big… The kind of 'why' that seems completely out of reach and unrealistic, if you're being logical. 


"Is it logical?"
Sometimes we have to throw logic out the window. Did anyone say it was logical that in this era of technology and speed, a vaccine was developed in record time so that we could all start being physically together, working and socializing, and hugging again (yes, I secretly like hugs)? The experts who worked on that could not believe the logic. Did anyone say it was logical that we would have access to information, education, and connection to other cultures across the globe at our fingertips? The people with the ideas that brought these things to life, didn't give in to conventional thinking. Did anyone ever say it's logical that a piece of art, whether it be music or paintings or performances, is able to create an emotional experience so powerful that it expands our perspective of life? The artists who dedicate their lives to this, defy logic. When you think about it, things like that aren't very logical.
Even though I don't directly save lives or invent things or inspire the world through art, I'm still trying to see the direct line I have to make a positive impact in the world. And just like them, 'my why' is more than being about me. It goes beyond the benefits I get. 


"So, What is it?"
So, here is what I think it is: The small chance that I could have a positive influence, or would be able to educate, or somehow improve someone else's experience in this life and then they somehow improve someone else's, perpetuates something good. If I'm able to provoke thought in a new way, show compassion in every situation, help others be more courageous to be their authentic selves in their own lives, then who they come into contact with may do the same thing. Collectively, the world becomes just a little bit better for everyone. 
Now, I'm not saying this world is a terrible place… in fact, I am continually in awe of it's beauty. The feeling I have when I'm able to be my authentic self, to speak completely honestly, to overcome hardships of this life, to be heard and understood and loved by another person, is the most incredible feeling. I want everyone to have a chance in their life to have that. 


"What keeps me from being good at it?"
My 'why' may sound simple or even naïve… but if it were easy to do, wouldn't everyone? To truly embrace my 'why', I have to get out of my own way first. Meaning, sometimes I get too focused on my own stuff… what I have to get done every day, how fast I can take care of things, how much I can accomplish, how much I care what other people think of me, how anxious it makes me when I feel overwhelmed, how many mistakes I make, how frustrated I get when stuff doesn't come easy, how fearful I am to say what needs to be said. But I know that If I'm able to raise my gaze above all my stuff and question whether those things have an affect on 'my why', then one of two things happens. I'm able to release them or I'm able to deal with them courageously and compassionately. 


"Is the 'why' the only thing that matters?"
I truly believe there must be balance in everything. The flip side is that I might get lost in the ‘why‘ and forget about the ‘what’ and the ’how’. My focus on my 'why' gets blurry if I throw caution to the wind, or don't practice self-care, or I'm unable to set healthy boundaries. What I do and how I do it, matters… the what and the how could even make the 'why' stronger.  Bear with me, but it’s like when I’m cooking a delicious meal… I start with a good recipe and then I get high quality ingredients and then I perfect the method of cooking it. All of the effort that is put into the ‘what’ and the ‘how’ pays off when my tastebuds light up. The better I get at the nuances of the ‘what’ and the ‘how’, the more powerful the ‘why’ becomes. 


"Why do I care about my why?"
Although it's nice to receive accolades for the good faith effort I put forth, that can't be the sole reason my soul feels gratified. If what I did, and the way that I did it, depended on approval from everyone else, I would be perpetually disappointed. I must recognize that I need to live out my 'why' for myself because I feel it so deeply.  And if the benefit of my efforts raises the collective good in this world, then I'm in harmony with my intention. 
But why does it all this really matter? Why ask these questions? Why do I want to feel a strong connection to what I feel my purpose is? A better question is: how could the way I live my life, treat other people, and continue to enjoy this human experience not matter?  I'm determined to spend my life trying to make it matter.
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Admiration

11/13/2020

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I was obsessed with Reba. When I was growing up, I watched her every move and attempted to copy every vocal swell and trill.  It wasn't just her vocal prowess that I admired. I saw a smart business woman, a brazen lady, a fearless and fierce woman. I wanted to be like that. I imagined myself having the courage to go after my dreams and maneuver life with that same determination and grace. Let's be real, I'm still obsessed with her.
My Gramma was my superhero. She was bigger than life itself and her energy filled up any space she was a part of. When she was a young mother, she migrated her husband and three kids from Arkansas to California in hopes of finding greater opportunities. She lived through adversity and joy with a steadfast faith. She was brave and strong and stubborn. She was a model for me and I soaked it up. She's still my superhero.
As a teenager, I was mesmerized by Carol Burnett. Not only is she an expert at making people laugh, but her authenticity and compassionate spirit attracted my attention. She's not the typical Hollywood beauty, either, and I saw myself in the awkward body not quite fitting in. When I made people around me laugh, I was elated and hoped I had her wit. Carol is unique and funny and big hearted. She still mesmerizes me.
I graduated high school the same year my mom graduated college. She went back to school after her kids were old enough not to beg for her full attention. She took care of the household, three kids, and a husband while reading books, researching for papers, and studying for exams. She knew that holding a degree would provide her and her family with greater opportunities. I'm not sure she knew that the very act of accomplishing the achievement spoke volumes to me as I observed her determination, vulnerability, perseverance, and commitment. Those qualities are reflected in me.
I could keep going with examples that I admired  in my formative years like Erma Bombeck, Mary Higgins Clark, Sheryl Crow, Martina McBride, Julia Childs, Maya Angelou, Oprah, Julia Roberts, Michelle Pfeiffer, Barbara Walters… the list goes on. As I look back on the women who have influenced my life, I realize another common theme. There are a lot of firsts… trailblazers, pioneers, groundbreakers.
Throughout my professional career, I have often found myself as the only woman in the room. I wouldn't dare compare myself to the aforementioned giants, but when I was in those situations I relied on their spirits (I don't know how else to say that), to give me the gumption I needed. Don't get me wrong… I've also been lucky enough to be mentored by several great men in my life. But being able to see someone who looks like you in a position that you admire, gives you the confidence that anything you want to achieve in life is possible.
This year has been full of heartbreak, isolation, and uncertainty, challenging almost every aspect of all our lives. With every challenge brings opportunity. To be alive and witness the first woman to be elected the Vice President of the United States is surreal, wondrous, inspirational, and overdue. Regardless of your political views, this moment in history is powerful for all women. It's showing all the little girls and awkward teenagers that it's possible. It's possible to achieve whatever you put your mind to, even if it seems the cards are stacked against you. It's possible to have a voice and try to change things for the better if you persevere, even when you might feel alone. It's possible to show future generations that women are strong, confident, competent, and equal.

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My Resolution for Love

7/7/2020

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My heart is heavy and at the same time, full of hope. I've been struggling to figure out how I, one single person, could add to the positive impact that we, the people, are trying to have. It feels like there is a revolution for love and I want in. I'm so grateful and fortunate to have experienced personal and unconditional love in my life and believe that if every single person were able to experience that, we would be one step closer to living in the kind of world we dream of. A world where a human being doesn't put his knee on the neck of another human being to the point of taking their breath and life away. A world where innocent children don't get locked away just because their parents were trying to cross a line on the earth. A world where we don't make assumptions about other people simply because they have a different skin color. A world where we don't react from a place of fear or bias or negativity. A world where we don't default to hate if someone has a difference of opinion, but rather seek to understand one another from a place of empathy.
This is the world I dream of but sometimes feel discouraged because I have but a single voice. I'm reminded of the Edward Everett Hale quote (if you don't know who this is, he's worth a search): "I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do."
So, what can I do? I can continue trying to grow and improve myself every single day in hopes of being a good example to those around me. I can encourage positive change in my circle of influence. I can say something if I think that other people feel the way that I do and just need a little encouragement. I can vote. I can do the something that I can do.
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Create...

2/27/2020

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You know what brings me joy? Making things. I believe part of what makes us human is the inherent desire to create. I don’t just mean making our essential needs like tools, houses, electricity and the like. I mean the things we make that add other kinds of benefits and value to life. The things that if we don’t make them, a part of us feels like it’s missing.  The things that add beauty, light, and inspiration to this world we live in.  My sister-in-law just made a knit sweater. My brother makes incredible music. My sister made two kids. I make lots of things… when I was younger, I made clay bowls, drawings of the perfect front yard, yarn potholders, and wooden cutting boards. Now I make photos, delicious meals, and shelves. For work, I make classes. These classes not only help my colleagues improve their teamwork and communication skills, they help make leaders be better leaders. I get to be a part of making the world a better place by making things that help inspire other people. 
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Friends

2/20/2020

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What's beautiful is long lost friends getting back in touch and reconnecting with each other. You know those people that you've connected with in one way or another throughout the years… the ones that if you got a flat tire and needed help, you could call and they wouldn't hesitate to bring the tire iron… the ones that you've commiserated with because they're the only ones that can see your point of view… the ones that make you feel young and vibrant because of their full of life presence… or simply the ones that find some seemingly important question they need to ask but really they just want to say hi because it's been too long. Those relationships are all different and unique, but equally beautiful. I believe we all want to connect with other people and when we find the ones that we bond with so easily and strongly, hang on and keep reaching out.
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Spread Love

1/30/2020

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Here’s what I believe Social Media is for… it’s the modern day tie of energy that connects different cultures, generations, music, art, interests, extended family, long distance loves, and lost friends.  It’s about spreading light and energy and love…It’s about learning that long lost friends are also beautiful people… it’s about grandparents getting to see photos of their grand babies from 2000 miles away… it’s about Aunts proudly posting videos of their nieces ballet recital and their nephews silly antics… it’s about seeing cute puppies, kittens, and baby goats… I just love baby goats. It‘s not about spreading darkness. There is enough of that already in the world. So, my plan is to post something beautiful and full of joy often. It could be something as simple as a photo of my cozy slippers reminding you of the feeling that super soft socks on your feet is the definition of comfortable… or it could be more obvious like a breathtaking sunrise or a selfie with my the love of my life. Whatever the case, I’m reminding myself that the beauty of this world we live in and the joy of this one life that we have to live outweighs the darkness.
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    A "wanna be" deep thinker, playful puppy mama, and super sassy wife.

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